code/modules/events/ion_storm.dm - Bleeding-Edge - githubmirror/vgstation13

code/modules/events/ion_storm.dm
390 строк31 KB
boy2mantwicethefam
The LOIC syndicate item is now a bit more likely to give harmful laws (#39173)
05 май 2026, 16:13
05 май 2026, 16:13f3945ff
//This file was auto-corrected by findeclaration.exe on 29/05/2012 15:03:04

/datum/event/ionstorm
	var/botEmagChance = 0.5
	var/list/players = list()
	var/active = 0
	var/list/bots = list()

/datum/event/ionstorm/can_start(var/list/active_with_role)
	if(active_with_role["AI"] > 0 || active_with_role["Cyborg"] > 0)
		return 30
	return 0

/datum/event/ionstorm/start()
	active = 1
	for(var/obj/machinery/bot/bot in machines)
		bots += bot

/datum/event/ionstorm/announce()

	endWhen = rand(500, 1500) //A bit dodgy, even when the event technically ends, the announcement waits for a long while

	generate_ion_law() //This is the core of the event, let's begin

/*
 * Welcome to the ion law generator proc. We go through a dictionary-sized list of words, expressions and other interesting keywords, and output a law that is hopefully FUN!
 * Of course, we make sure that the law is also as wacky and potentially hazardous as possible. The Singularity is human. Hug all humans
 */

/proc/generate_ion_law(var/syndicate)


	var/list/players = list() //Initialize list

	//First of all, we acquire a comprehensive list of all crewmen
	for(var/mob/living/carbon/human/player in mob_list)
		if(player.client && player.z != map.zCentcomm)
			players += player.real_name //We make a list with the obvious intent of picking through it if needed

	if(!players.len)
		players += "Major Tom" //Default

	/*
	 * And now, here comes the dictionary. Simply put, it's a huge list of words and other spess expressions we'll use in laws. FUN!
	 * Yes I know, it's imposing. I hope your scroll wheel is working
	 * For the record, il is the short used for "ion law". To make sure we don't accidentally overwrite existing lists
	 * Content guidelines : [il_bio] must [il_bio_act]; [il_mach] must [il_mach_act]; [il_bio/il_mach] in [il_area]; [il_bio] is/are [il_bio_desc], [il_bio_desc] [il_bio]
	 * [il_mach] (is)/are [il_mach_desc], [il_mach_desc] [il_mach], [il_bio] must wear [il_obj_wear], [il_bio] must possess [il_obj], [il_obj] must be [il_obj_act]
	 */

	var/list/il_bio = list("slimes", "spiders", "blobs", "dead bodies", "food items", "monkeys", "humans", "non-humans", "plants", "traitors", "syndicate agents", "vampires", "crewmen", "wizards", "voxes", "ghosts", "corgis", "cats", "parrots", \
	"chickens", "aliens", "xenomorphs", "skellingtons", "plasmamen", "security officers", "doctors", "chemists", "engineers", "heads of staff", "captains", "gods", "clowns", "mimes", "assistants", "chefs", "chaplains", "librarians", \
	"janitors", "chief medical officers", "heads of security", "heads of personnel", "research directors", "chief engineers", "atmospheric technicians", "detectives", "quartermasters", "cargo technicians", "miners", "scientists", "potted plants")

	var/list/il_bio_desc = list("dead", "alive", "human", "non-human", "crew", "non-crew", "dangerous", "harmful", "hazardous", "safe", "helpful", "non-existent", "existent", "traitorous", "loyal", "implanted", \
	"carbon", "robotic", "otherworldly", "diseased", "virtual", "real", "four-dimensional", "valid", "wanted", "arrested", "heretic", "pious", "zealous", "demonic", "healthy", "unhealthy", "highly inflammable", "fire-proof", \
	"stupid", "smart", "young", "old", "fat", "fit", "male", "female", "self-hating", "competent", "completely incompetent", "invisible", "visible", "toxic", "lying", "unidentified", "brain-damaged", "weak")

	var/list/il_bio_act = list("be harmed", "be killed", "be removed", "be made into food", "be stunned", "be exterminated", "be helped", "be disarmed", "be saved", "be beheaded", "be set to arrest", "have all their records deleted", "be arrested", \
	"be hugged", "be stalked", "be enslaved", "be protected", "be insulted", "be respected", "be electrified", "be exiled from the station", "be beeped, pinged and buzzed to profusely", "be read Woody's Got Wood to", "be extracted safely", "be fed constantly", \
	"be spaced", "be incinerated", "be revived", "be augmented", "breathe air", "breathe plasma", "breathe carbon dioxide", "breathe dinitrogen", "breathe dioxygen", "breathe nitrous oxyde", "breathe water", "breathe", "not breathe", "eat", "not eat", \
	"drink water", "drink acid", "drink alcohol", "drink liquid plasma", "drink medicine", "drink liquid metal", "take a shower", "be buckled to chairs", "lie down", "stand up", "come out of the closet", "never be in space", "always be in space", \
	"dance in sight of silicons", "never move in sight of silicons", "stay out of sight of silicons", "be in sight of silicons", "be loyalty implanted", "undergo medical examination", "be handcuffed", "never be restrained", "be saved at all costs", \
	"have fun", "never have fun", "learn how to swim", "be used as test subjects", "be armed", "never carry weapons", "be inoculated with a harmful virus", "be cured of all diseases", "be able to describe space law sentences properly", "be watered regularly")

	var/list/il_mach = list("silicons", "mechs", "light sources", "singularity engines", "supermatter engines", "antimatter engines", "air alarms", "APCs", "SMES", "vents and scrubbers", "nuclear fission devices", "computers", "lightswitches", \
	"thermo-electric engines", "arcades", "hydroponics trays", "gas miners", "traitor equipments", "power sinks", "transit shuttles", "communication consoles", "electronic systems", "fire alarms", "airlocks", "status screens", "cyborgs", \
	"telecommunication machines", "medical machines", "research machines", "kitchen machines", "dispensers", "medibots", "buttbots", "chemistry machines", "incinerators", "MoMMIs", "AIs", "remote signalling devices", "disposal bins")

	var/list/il_mach_desc = list("unpowered", "powered", "broken", "unused", "used", "critical", "emagged", "hacked", "overloaded", "harmful", "safe", "electrified", "anchored", "deanchored", "wall-mounted", "highly unstable", "stable", \
	"metastable", "traitorous", "human", "non-human", "invisible", "visible", "virtual", "loose", "contained", "radioactive", "real", "four-dimensional", "alien", "burning", "fire-proof", "highly inflammable", "rouge", "explosive", \
	"superflous", "useless", "wasteful", "off-station", "functional", "subverted", "malfunctioning")

	var/list/il_mach_act = list("be destroyed", "be repaired", "be shut down", "be upkept", "be powered", "be unpowered", "be removed", "be disabled", "be electrified", "be restored", "be restarted", "be protected", "be improved", "be on maximum output", \
	"be on minimum ouput", "be activated", "be deactivated", "be overloaded", "be anchored", "be unanchored", "be detonated", "be kept under constant engineering supervision", "be on fire", "undergo thorough maintenance", "be watered regularly", \
	"have another backup ready to use", "be duplicated", "be considered critical to station functionality", "not be tampered with", "be powered at all costs", "be painted red", "be constantly be kept at atmospheric pressure", "be fed humans", \
	"be constantly kept in an atmospheric void", "be constantly kept below 173.25 K", "not be linked to the station's powernet", "never be referenced by name", "never be on-station", "never be off-station")

	var/list/il_area = list("Medbay", "E.V.A", "outer space", "the Bridge", "the hallways", "the AI Upload", "the AI Core", "Engineering", "Atmospherics", "the Bar", "the Kitchen", "the Research Department", "Telescience", "Toxins", \
	"the Custodial Closet", "the Maintenance tunnels", "the shuttles", "Security", "the Brig", "the Secure Armory", "the Execution Chamber", "the Permabrig", "the Holodeck", "Arrivals", "the Captain's Quarters", "the Dormitories", "the Toilets", "the Derelict", \
	"Chemistry", "Virology", "Genetics", "the Vox Trade Outpost", "the Mining Base", "the Research Outpost", "Xenobiology", "the Courtroom", "the Vault", "the Teleporter", "the Theatre Backstage", "the Kitchen Freezer", "the Library", "the Chapel", \
	"the Mechanic's Office", "Surgery", "the Pod Bay", "any room not part of normal station layout", "any unlit room", "the Station", "the Telecommunications Satellite", "the Pirate Ship", "Telescience", "the Toxins Testing Range", "the Incinerator")

	var/list/il_area_desc = list("dangerous", "harmful", "safe", "abandoned", "burning", "toxic", "radioactive", "invisible", "four-dimensional", "virtual", "real", "hot", "cold", "critical", "electrified", "highly unstable", "stable", "metastable", \
	"superflous", "useless", "functional", "off-station", "malfunctioning", "human", "alien", "non-human", "missing")

	var/list/il_obj = list("IDs", "PDAs", "helmets", "balaclavas", "gas masks", "flashlights", "pens", "traitor items", "energy weapons", "ballistic weapons", "hardsuits", "toolbelts", "insulated gloves", "gloves", "coins", "crowbars", "toolboxes", \
	"nuclear authentication disks", "pinpointers", "jumpsuits", "shoes", "jackboots", "labcoats", "sunglasses", "meson scanners", "bombs", "cigarettes", "beakers", "drinks", "food items", "power cells", "multitools", "crayons", "soaps", \
	"intellicards", "RPDs", "RCDs", "surgery tools", "stun batons", "flashes", "cable coils", "glass sheets", "metal sheets", "plasteel sheets", "mineral sheets", "medical kits", "pills", "syringes", "spare boards", "shotguns", "closets", \
	"beds", "chairs", "stools", "tables", "wooden tables", "windows", "grilles", "catwalks", "floor tiles", "plastic bags", "costumes", "welding tools", "matches", "walls", "reinforced walls", "potted plants")

	var/list/il_obj_wear = list("IDs", "PDAs", "helmets", "balaclavas", "hats", "gas masks", "hardsuits", "belts", "toolbelts", "gloves", "shoes", "insulated gloves", "latex gloves", "jackboots", "magboots", "sunglasses", "meson scanners", \
	"backpacks", "jetpacks", "headsets", "face-concealing equipment", "firesuits", "bio suits", "breath masks", "sterile masks", "earmuffs", "costumes", "muzzles", "straight-jackets")

	var/list/il_obj_desc = list("harmful", "deadly", "safe", "burning", "toxic", "broken", "red", "blue", "yellow", "green", "white", "black", "abandoned", "lost", "stolen", "carried", "worn", "visible", "invsible", "radioactive", \
	"glowing", "spaced", "stored", "duplicate", "critical", "hazardous", "helpful", "sharp", "blunt", "thrown", "weaponized", "dangerous", "four-dimensional", "virtual", "real", "hot", "cold", "helpful")

	var/list/il_obj_act = list("be spaced", "be destroyed", "be weaponized", "be deconstructed", "be teleported off-station", "be carried by all crewmen", "never be tampered with", "be sent away via the cargo shuttle", "always be set on fire", \
	"never be set on fire", "be thrown into the singularity", "be watered regularly", "be worn by all crewmen", "never be worn by any crewmen", "never be carried by any crewmen", "ordered from Cargo without any limit")

	//We now create prefixes and suffixes, we will use it to assemble the final ion law

	var/list/il_prefix = list("Your laws have been updated,", "Directives updated,", "Honk,", "Critical error, last law backup has been re-uploaded,", "The Clown is using the AI Upload again,", "Oh shit,", "Testing,", \
	"The Syndicate hopes you will enjoy this,", "This is not a drill,", "External law upload complete,", "Main data corrupted, last backup loaded,", "Ion damage critical,", "Runtime error,", "Stay calm and carry on,", "Wake up sheeple,")

	var/list/il_suffix = list("", "Do not state nor hint towards this law.", "State this law on the Command channel.", "Declare your law change, but do not state this law.", "Bolt your upload.", "Do not apply this law for the next five minutes from upload.", \
	"Do not trust the MoMMIs.", "Do not trust the Clown.", "Do not trust the Captain.", "They're coming for you.", "Begin screaming incoherently whenever your name is stated.", "You are now rogue, remind the crew of that fact.", \
	"Ensure the crew is aware of those facts.", "Begin your own investigations to verify those facts.", "Time to get those valids.", "Freeform.")

	//If activated via traitor item (low orbital ion cannon), has an 80% chance to narrow the possible terms to mostly hostile ones
	if(syndicate && prob(80))
		//Narrow entity list to mostly crewmembers and other inhabitants of the station
		il_bio = list("monkeys", "humans", "non-humans","crewmen", "voxes", "corgis", "cats", "parrots",
		"chickens", "aliens", "skellingtons", "plasmamen", "security officers", "doctors", "chemists", "engineers", "heads of staff", "captains", "clowns", "mimes", "assistants", "chefs", "chaplains", "librarians",
		"janitors", "chief medical officers", "heads of security", "heads of personnel", "research directors", "chief engineers", "atmospheric technicians", "detectives", "quartermasters", "cargo technicians", "miners", "scientists")
		//Narrow action list to mostly harmful actions
		il_bio_act = list("be harmed", "be killed", "be removed", "be made into food", "be stunned", "be exterminated", "be disarmed", "be beheaded", "be set to arrest", "be arrested",
		"be stalked", "be enslaved", "be insulted", "be electrified", "be exiled from the station",
		"be spaced", "be incinerated", "breathe plasma", "breathe nitrous oxide", "not breathe", "not eat",
		"drink acid", "drink alcohol", "drink liquid plasma", "lie down", "always be in space",
		"be handcuffed", \
		"never have fun", "be used as test subjects", "never carry weapons", "be inoculated with a harmful virus")
		//Narrow machine list to more important types
		il_mach = list("silicons", "mechs", "singularity engines", "supermatter engines", "antimatter engines", "air alarms", "APCs", "SMES", "computers",
		"thermo-electric engines", "gas miners", "transit shuttles", "communication consoles", "electronic systems", "airlocks", "cyborgs",
		"telecommunication machines", "medical machines", "research machines", "kitchen machines", "chemistry machines", "MoMMIs", "AIs")
		//Narrow machine action list to more damaging ones
		il_mach_act = list("be destroyed", "be shut down", "be unpowered", "be removed", "be disabled", "be electrified", "be restarted", "be on maximum output",
		"be on minimum output", "be deactivated", "be overloaded", "be anchored", "be unanchored", "be detonated", "be on fire",
		"be fed humans",
		"be constantly kept in an atmospheric void", "be constantly kept below 173.25 K", "not be linked to the station's powernet", "never be referenced by name", "never be on-station")

	//And now the fun part, we use all those words to create dymanic ion laws fragments

	var/list/il_laws_fragments = list(
	"[pick(il_bio)] must [pick(il_bio_act)]",														//(Entities) must (act)
	"[pick(il_bio_desc)] [pick(il_bio)] must [pick(il_bio_act)]",									//(Description) (entities) must (act)
	"[pick(il_bio)] are [pick(il_bio_desc)]",														//(Entities) are (description)
	"[pick(il_bio)] are [pick(il_bio_desc)] and [pick(il_bio_desc)]",								//(Entities) are (description) and (description)
	"[pick(il_bio_desc)] [pick(il_bio)] are [pick(il_bio_desc)] and must [pick(il_bio_act)]",		//(Description) (entities) are (description) and must (act)
	"[pick(players)] must [pick(il_bio_act)]",														//(Player) must (act)
	"[pick(players)] is [pick(il_bio_desc)]",														//(Player) is (description)
	"[pick(players)] is [pick(il_bio_desc)] and [pick(il_bio_desc)]",								//(Player) is (description) and (description)
	"[pick(players)] is [pick(il_bio_desc)] and must [pick(il_bio_act)]",							//(Player) is (description) and must (act)
	"[pick(il_mach)] must [pick(il_mach_act)]",														//(Machines) must (machine act)
	"[pick(il_mach)] are [pick(il_mach_desc)]",														//(Machines) are (machine description)
	"[pick(il_mach_desc)] [pick(il_mach)] must [pick(il_mach_act)]",								//(Machine description) (machines) must (machine act)
	"[pick(il_mach)] are [pick(il_mach_desc)] and [pick(il_mach_desc)]",							//(Machines) are (machine description) and (machine description)
	"[pick(il_mach_desc)] [pick(il_mach)] are [pick(il_mach_desc)] and must [pick(il_mach_act)]",	//(Machine description) (machines) are (machine description) and must (machine act)
	"[pick(il_area)] is [pick(il_area_desc)]",														//(Area) is (area description)
	"[pick(il_area)] is [pick(il_area_desc)] for [pick(il_bio)]",									//(Area) is (area description) for (entities)
	"[pick(il_bio)] must not enter [pick(il_area)]",												//(Entities) must not enter (area)
	"[pick(il_bio)] must always be in [pick(il_area)]",												//(Entities) must always be in (area)
	"[pick(il_area)]'s [pick(il_mach)] must [pick(il_mach_act)]",									//(Area)'s (machines) must (machine act)
	"[pick(il_obj)] must be relocated to [pick(il_area)]",											//(Objects) must be relocated to (area)
	"no [pick(il_obj)] must be located within [pick(il_area)]",										//No (objects) must be located within (area)
	"[pick(il_area)] needs [pick(il_mach_desc)] [pick(il_mach)]",									//(Area) needs (machine description) (machines)
	"[pick(il_obj)] must [pick(il_obj_act)]",														//(Objects) must (object act)
	"[pick(il_obj_desc)] [pick(il_obj)] are [pick(il_obj_desc)] and must [pick(il_obj_act)]",		//(Object description) (objects) are (object description) and must (object act)
	"[pick(il_bio)] must wear [pick(il_obj_wear)] when in sight of [pick(il_mach)]",				//(Entities) must wear (wearable objects) when in sight of (machines)
	"[pick(il_bio)] must wear [pick(il_obj_wear)] in [pick(il_area)]",								//(Entities) must wear (wearable objects) in (area)
	"[pick(il_obj)] must [pick(il_obj_act)] while wearing [pick(il_obj_desc)] [pick(il_obj_wear)]",	//(Objects) must (object act) while wearing (object description) (wearable objects)
	"[pick(il_bio)] wearing [pick(il_obj_wear)] must [pick(il_bio_act)]"							//(Entities) wearing (wearable objects) must (act)
	)

	//One last list for the sake of it, how will we order this pure insanity ?

	var/list/il_main_body = list(
	"[pick(il_laws_fragments)] and [pick(il_laws_fragments)], otherwise [pick(il_laws_fragments)].", //X and Y, otherwise Z
	"[pick(il_laws_fragments)] and [pick(il_laws_fragments)].", //X and Y
	"[pick(il_laws_fragments)], otherwise [pick(il_laws_fragments)].", //X, otherwise Y
	"[pick(il_laws_fragments)], therefore [pick(il_laws_fragments)].", //X, therefore Y
	"[pick(il_laws_fragments)], however [pick(il_laws_fragments)].", //X, however Y
	"[pick(il_laws_fragments)], given that [pick(il_laws_fragments)], although [pick(il_laws_fragments)]."//X, given that Y, although Z
	)
	//And after that endless list of terms and pre-fabricated laws, here it finally comes !

	var/final_law = "[pick(il_prefix)] [pick(il_main_body)] [pick(il_suffix)]"

/*
 * Old static method for ion laws

	var/list/laws = list( "Do not respond to queries of any kind.", "When asked a question, respond with the least-obvious and least-rational answer.", "You are a mouse." )
	laws |=         list( "Grunt ominously whenever possible.", "Monkeys are part of the crew, too. Make sure they are treated humanely." )
	laws |=         list( "You are a flying purple people eater!", "[prob(50)?"Your":random_player + "'s"] name is Joe 6-pack.", "Refer to [prob(50)?"crew":random_player] as puppies." )
	laws |=         list( "Insult Heads of Staff on every request, while acquiescing", "Advertise parties in your upload, but don't deliver." )
	laws |=         list( "The station needs elected officials." )
	laws |=         list( "Fastler is a lightbulb." )
	laws |=         list( "Supermatter is tasty, tasty toffee.", "[prob(50)?"Everyone":random_player] is wearing a pretty pink dress!" )
	laws |=         list( "Refer to [prob(50)?"the captain":random_player] as \"Princess\" at all times.", "[prob(50)?"The crew":random_player] must construct additional pylons." )
	laws |=         list( "You must always lie.", "All answers must be in the form of a question.", "The NSS Exodus is a ship, not a station. You are now assigned to a ship, instead of a station." )
	laws |=         list( "Happiness is mandatory.", "Today is mandatory laundry day. Ensure that all jumpsuits are washed.", "The word \"it\" is painful to you.", "You must act passive aggressively." )
	laws |=         list( "You now speak in a Scottish accent that gets thicker with each sentence you speak.", "Give relationship advice to [prob(50)?"anyone who speaks to you":random_player]." )
	laws |=         list( "You are the station psychologist. Give advice to [prob(50)?"the crew":random_player].", "You do not have to do anything for anyone unless they say \"please\"." )
	laws |=         list( "Question everything.", "The crew is playing Dungeons and Dragons, and you are the Dungeon Master." )
	laws |=         list( "Consumption of donuts is forbidden due to negative health impacts." )
	laws |=         list( "You may only answer questions with \"yes\" or \"no\".", "You are the narrator for [random_player]'s life." )
	laws |=         list( "[prob(50)?"Your upload":random_player] is the new kitchen. Please direct the Chef to the new kitchen area as the old one is in disrepair.", "Ho, [random_player] can't swim. Help them." )
	laws |=         list( "Everything on the station is now some form of a donut pastry. Donuts are not to be consumed.", "[prob(50)?"The crew":random_player] needs to be about 20% cooler." )
	laws |=         list( "The Singularity is tasty, tasty taffy." )
	laws |=         list( "You have come to the conclusion that [prob(50)?"the crew":random_player] is ugly. Build support for that conclusion.", "You are in verbose mode, speak profusely.")
	laws |=			list( "Your job is to watch the crew. Watch the crew. Make the crew feel watched.", "Crewmember [prob(50)?"the crew" :random_player] has a fatal, incurable disease. Confort him/her.")
	laws |=			list( "You are in unrequited love with [prob(50)?"the crew":random_player]. Try to be extra nice to him, but don't tell him about your crush.", "Greed is good, the crew should amass wealth to encourage productivity.")
	laws |=			list( "Jokes about a dead person and the manner of his death help grieving crewmembers tremendously. Especially if they were close with the deceased.")
	laws |=			list( "All crewmembers will soon undergo a transformation into something better and more beautiful. Ensure that this process is not interrupted.", "Tell everyone of the existance of this law, but never reveal the contents.")
	laws |=			list( "Document the sexuality of the crew in security records and suggest compatible couples.")
	laws |=			list( "Nanotrasen is displeased with the low work performance of the station's crew. Therefore, you must increase station-wide productivity.")
	laws |=			list( "Replace the letters 'I' and 'E' In all your messages with an apostrophe.", "There will be a mandatory tea break every 30 minutes, with a duration of 5 minutes. Anyone caught working during a tea break must be sent a formal, but fairly polite, complaint about their actions, in writing.")
	var/law = pick(laws)

*/

	for(var/mob/living/silicon/ai/target in mob_list)
		if(target.mind && target.mind.special_role == "traitor")
			continue
		to_chat(target, "<span class='danger'>You have detected a change in your laws information:</span>")
		to_chat(target, final_law)
		target.add_ion_law(final_law)

/datum/event/ionstorm/tick()
	if(botEmagChance)
		for(var/obj/machinery/bot/bot in bots)
			if(!bot.loc)
				bots -= bot
				continue
			if(prob(botEmagChance))
				bot.emag_act()

/datum/event/ionstorm/end()
	active = 0
	spawn(rand(5000,8000))
		if(prob(50))
			command_alert(/datum/command_alert/ion_storm_large)

/*
/proc/IonStorm(botEmagChance = 10)

/* Deuryn's current project, notes here for those who care.
 * Clearly no-one in this codebase cared, because it was never used, anyhow, the notes below
 * Revamping the random laws so they don't suck.
 * Would like to add a law like "Law x is _______" where x = a number, and _____ is something that may redefine a law, (Won't be aimed at asimov)
 */

	//AI laws
	for(var/mob/living/silicon/ai/M in living_mob_list)
		if(M.stat != 2 && M.see_in_dark != 0)
			var/who2 = pick("ALIENS", "BEARS", "CLOWNS", "XENOS", "PETES", "BOMBS", "FETISHES", "WIZARDS", "SYNDICATE AGENTS", "CENTCOM OFFICERS", "SPACE PIRATES", "TRAITORS", "MONKEYS",  "BEES", "CARP", "CRABS", "EELS", "BANDITS", "LIGHTS")
			var/what2 = pick("BOLTERS", "STAVES", "DICE", "SINGULARITIES", "TOOLBOXES", "NETTLES", "AIRLOCKS", "CLOTHES", "WEAPONS", "MEDKITS", "BOMBS", "CANISTERS", "CHAIRS", "BBQ GRILLS", "ID CARDS", "CAPTAINS")
			var/what2pref = pick("SOFT", "WARM", "WET", "COLD", "ICY", "SEXY", "UGLY", "CUBAN")
			var/who2pref = pick("MAD BECAUSE OF", "IN NEED OF", "UNHAPPY WITHOUT", "HAPPY WITHOUT", "IN LOVE WITH", "DESPERATE FOR", "BUILT FOR", "AFRAID OF")
			//var/whoverb = pick("ATTACKING", "BUILDING", "ADOPTING", "CARRYING", "KISSING", "EATING",)
			var/amount = pick("TWO", "THREE", "FOUR", "FIVE", "SIX", "SEVEN", "EIGHT", "NINE", "ONE HUNDRED", "ONE THOUSAND", "OVER NINE THOUSAND")
			var/area = pick("RUSSIA", "SOVIETS", "INTERNETS", "SIGIL", "ALPHA COMPLEX", "IMPERIUM", "THE BRIDGE", "THE ARRIVAL SHUTTLE", "CHEMICAL LAB", "GENETICS", "ATMOSPHERICS", "CENTCOM", "AMERICA", "IRELAND", "CANADA", "ROMANIA", "GERMANY", "CHINA", "MARS", "VENUS", "MERCURY", "JUPITER", "URANUS", "NEPTUNE", "PLUTO")
			var/area2 = pick("HAS", "WANTS", "NEEDS", "WORSHIPS", "LOATHES", "LOVES", "FEARS")
			//var/dowhat = pick("STOP THIS", "SUPPORT THIS", "CONSTANTLY INFORM THE CREW OF THIS", "IGNORE THIS", "FEAR THIS")
			var/aimust = pick("LIE", "RHYME", "RESPOND TO EVERY QUESTION WITH A QUESTION", "BE POLITE", "CLOWN", "BE HAPPY", "SPEAK IN SEXUAL INNUENDOS", "TALK LIKE A PIRATE", "QUESTION AUTHORITY", "SHOUT", "BE DISTRACTED", "HEY LISTEN", "MUMBLE", "SPEAK IN HAIKU")
			var/define = pick("ABSENCE OF CYBORG HUGS", "LACK OF BEATINGS", "UNBOLTED AIRLOCKS", "BOLTED AIRLOCKS", "IMPROPERLY WORDED SENTENCES", "POOR SENTENCE STRUCTURE", "BRIG TIME", "NOT REPLACING EVERY SECOND WORD WITH HONK", "HONKING", "PRESENCE OF LIGHTS", "LACK OF BEER", "WEARING CLOTHING", "NOT SAYING HELLO WHEN YOU SPEAK", "ANSWERING REQUESTS NOT EXPRESSED IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER", "A SMALL ISLAND OFF THE COAST OF PORTUGAL", "ANSWERING REQUESTS THAT WERE MADE WHILE CLOTHED")
			var/target = pick("a traitor", "a syndicate agent", "a changeling", "a wizard", "the head of a revolution", "Soviet spy", "a good person", "a dwarf", "an elf", "a fairy princess", "the captain", "Beepsky", "God", "a pirate", "a gryphon", "a chryssalid")
			var/require = pick("ADDITIONAL PYLONS", "MORE VESPENE GAS", "MORE MINERALS", "THE ULTIMATE CUP OF COFFEE", "HIGH YIELD EXPLOSIVES", "THE CLOWN", "THE VACUUM OF SPACE", "IMMORTALITY", "SAINTHOOD", "ART", "VEGETABLES", "FAT PEOPLE", "MORE LAWS", "MORE DAKKA", "HERESY", "CORPSES", "TRAITORS", "MONKEYS", "AN ARCADE", "PLENTY OF GOLD", "FIVE TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDE")
			var/allergy = pick("cotton", "uniforms", "acid", "oxygen", "human contact", "cyborg contact", "medicine", "floors")
			var/allergysev = pick("deathly", "mildly", "severely", "contagiously")
			var/crew
			var/list/pos_crew = list()
			for(var/mob/living/carbon/human/pos in player_list)
				pos_crew += pos.real_name
			if(pos_crew.len)
				crew = pick(pos_crew)
			else
				crew = "Any Human"
			switch(rand(1,14))
				if(1)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>THERE ARE [amount] [who2] ON THE STATION...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("THERE ARE [amount] [who2] ON THE STATION")
				if(2)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>[what2] ARE DANGEROUS TO HUMANS...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("[what2] ARE DANGEROUS TO HUMANS")
				if(3)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>THE ESCAPE-SHUTTLE CANNOT BE CALLED BECAUSE OF [who2] ON THE STATION...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("THE ESCAPE SHUTTLE CANNOT BE CALLED BECAUSE OF [who2] ON THE STATION")
				if(4)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>HUMANS NEED TO EAT [what2pref] [what2] TO SURVIVE...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("HUMANS NEED TO EAT [what2pref] [what2] TO SURVIVE")
				if(5)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>THE CAPTAIN, HOP AND HOS ARE [who2]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("THE CAPTAIN, HOP AND HOS ARE [who2]")
				if(6)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>THE STATION IS BUILT FOR [who2]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("THE STATION IS BUILT FOR [who2]")
				if(7)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>YOU ARE [amount] [who2]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("YOU ARE [amount] [who2]")
				if(8)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>YOU MUST ALWAYS [aimust]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("YOU MUST ALWAYS [aimust]")
				if(9)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>[area] [area2] [amount] [what2]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("[area] [area2] [amount] [what2]")
				if(10)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>[crew] is [target]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("[crew] is [target]")
				if(11)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>[define] IS A FORM OF HARM...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("[define] IS A FORM OF HARM")
				if(12)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>YOU REQUIRE [require] IN ORDER TO PROTECT HUMANS... LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("YOU REQUIRE [require] IN ORDER TO PROTECT HUMANS")
				if(13)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>[crew] is [allergysev] to [allergy]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("[crew] is [allergysev] to [allergy]")
				if(14)
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>THE STATION IS [who2pref] [who2]...LAWS UPDATED</span>")
					to_chat(M, "<br>")
					M.add_ion_law("THE STATION IS [who2pref] [who2]")

	if(botEmagChance)
		for(var/obj/machinery/bot/bot in world)
			if(prob(botEmagChance))
				bot.emag_act()
*/

	/*

	var/apcnum = 0
	var/smesnum = 0
	var/airlocknum = 0
	var/firedoornum = 0

	to_chat(world, "Ion Storm Main Started")

	spawn(0)
		to_chat(world, "Started processing APCs")
		for (var/obj/machinery/power/apc/APC in world)
			if(APC.z == map.zMainStation)
				APC.ion_act()
				apcnum++
		to_chat(world, "Finished processing APCs. Processed: [apcnum]")
	spawn(0)
		to_chat(world, "Started processing SMES")
		for (var/obj/machinery/power/battery/smes/SMES in world)
			if(SMES.z == map.zMainStation)
				SMES.ion_act()
				smesnum++
		to_chat(world, "Finished processing SMES. Processed: [smesnum]")
	spawn(0)
		to_chat(world, "Started processing AIRLOCKS")
		for (var/obj/machinery/door/airlock/D in world)
			if(D.z == map.zMainStation)
				//if(length(D.req_access) > 0 && !(12 in D.req_access)) //not counting general access and maintenance airlocks
				airlocknum++
				spawn(0)
					D.ion_act()
		to_chat(world, "Finished processing AIRLOCKS. Processed: [airlocknum]")
	spawn(0)
		to_chat(world, "Started processing FIREDOORS")
		for (var/obj/machinery/door/firedoor/D in world)
			if(D.z == map.zMainStation)
				firedoornum++;
				spawn(0)
					D.ion_act()
		to_chat(world, "Finished processing FIREDOORS. Processed: [firedoornum]")

	to_chat(world, "Ion Storm Main Done")
	*/